


look at this idiotic fool that you made me

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Apologies, Arguing, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Break Up, Crying, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Post-Break Up, Secret Relationship, Swearing, well kind of based
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (title from taylor swift's "illicit affairs")there was so much they kept between themselves. part of that was their relationship. yet, unbeknownst to their friends and viewers, things behind the scenes aren't all that closely knit as they thought they were.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	look at this idiotic fool that you made me

**Author's Note:**

> bro be respectful with shipping. aight? also : ao3 stop messing up where my story gets placed in the tags. this is the third time i've tried posting this. 
> 
> (song listened to on repeat while writing : illicit affairs by taylor swift)

their intimacies. their memories. their secrets. there was so much they kept between themselves. part of that was their relationship. not even sapnap or bad knew. yet, unbeknownst to their friends and viewers, things behind the scenes aren't all that closely knit as they thought they were.

“dream, how many times have i fucking told you. i don’t wanna go public or come out yet.”

“why don't you want to? our fans are literally so supportive! to add, we’ve been at this for almost half a year. why are you treating this as if we were having some sort of illicit affair!” dream yelled over his mic. keeping things as a secret from everyone was exhausting to him. he wanted to progress things, but the efforts to do so have been rejected multiple times.

“i’m not dream! i’m just not ready!” george pleaded with the other. though dream couldn't see him, he was on the very brink of sobbing. why couldn't he understand? his request was much simpler than actually going public. he valued what they had going on in secret, away from the public eye. they’ve grown to disguise themselves on streams very well. why couldn't dream just prolong this until he was ready? those were questions george couldn't help but have in his head. he would scream it to the other, but if he did, he was sure he’d crumble with their relationship.

“again george, we’ve been at this for 6. fucking. months. what do you mean you're not ready! what more do i have to do? you're acting like a god damn kid just demanding things left and right!” when dream spit those words over the mic, he felt as if he said something wrong. a small pushed away feeling in his gut was telling him ‘this isn't the right thing to do’. but, he ignored it.

over at george’s side of the globe, the brit couldn't believe what he was hearing. was this the man he had been dating for so long? he thought the dream he spent so much movie nights with was different. apparently not. quickly, george was able to argue back.

“DON’T CALL ME A KID.” he yelled as if the other man was right in front of him. he needed to make himself clear. he needed to prove a point. however, the emotions bottled in an amulet that would’ve resided on his neck had took over.

after a brief mutual silence, george followed up his words. “you know what. Don’t even call me baby.” the words kept spilling out of his mouth like running water.

“look at the mess we are right now dream. look at this fool you made of me, thinking you were better. you showed me colors that i couldn't see with anyone else. you taught me a language that i couldn't speak anywhere else but with you. and for what? just for us to end up like this? what was all of it for? whatever it was, we’re over. you blinded me with sugar coatings that made me think you were this... perfect boyfriend. but, no. that doesn't seem like it anymore.”

did he just say that? since when was he a poet that had the capability to write verses like taylor swift? no matter what the answer was, he already said it. there was no taking it back. a crushingly quiet ambience took over their conversation.

dream couldn't believe what he heard. that was it. george was breaking up with him. all he could do right now was wallow in their shared silence. a sensation of regret quickly filled his throat. he wanted to say something back. before he could, he heard a quiet “goodbye, dream” and “see you soon”, followed by the sound of the other leaving their call.

he had messed up. it’s all sinking in at this moment. if only it sunk in earlier, maybe he could've fixed it. he could've changed his words and maybe they had a chance. but, no. it ended just like that. with no time elapsing since george left the call, a waterfall of tears escaped through the american’s eyes. he knocked off his headphones, shut down his pc, and curled up into his bed. he put on the hood of the piece of apparel he was wearing which happened to be what george sent over at the beginning of their private relationship. wallowing in his despair, he blamed himself for everything. he knew it was his fault. he was just so frustrated and couldn't keep it to himself, so he let it out to george. a mistake of many was what that was. a mistake he can't take back.

unbeknownst to dream, george seemed to have fallen into the same routine. he himself couldn't believe he had the capability to release all of those harsh words at another. he should've kept it to himself. while all the doubtings kept piling up, he also felt a tiny sense of pride for standing up for himself. however, that was quickly extinguished. would he have chosen that small reward over someone he made so many memories and plans together? no. he would take it all back, he really would. he would beg, steal, and borrow just to be able to negotiate more. at the end of the day, no matter how much he thought to himself, he knew the deed has been done. it's only a matter of hours to deal with the chaos that made up the aftermath. 

-

the morning after, george got up with a sore feeling on his back. guess he didn’t sleep in a comfy position. as he came to that tiny conclusion, the events of last night played faster than the speed that he ended the call. shivers traveled throughout his body and goosebumps appeared in places he never had them. he gravitated towards his phone and decided to see what's on his twitter timeline. when the app loaded, fans speculating to why dream deactivated both his twitter accounts showed up like a sore thumb. ‘of course his dramatic ass would do that’ he thought. ‘but he was my dramatic dumbass.’ when the second thought came up, it was forcefully shoved away when he checked his notifications. messages from sapnap took over his notification center, leading george to guess that he was looking to him for answers on why dream deactivated.

he didn't even have the urge to open those messages. he shut off his phone and threw it somewhere on his bed. eventually, he drifted off into his apartment’s bathroom, deciding he needed to shower after a cold and brutal night.

a few hours later, he was resting with his cat on his couch as they watched a movie on the living room tv. normally, his cat wouldn't be down to this type of contact. however, after bad vibes radiated from its owner as he gave it food, the pet let its barriers down for a while. george smiled at the purring feline while it slept on his stomach. the movie had finished and he was feeling much more better compared to how he felt the night before. carefully, he nudged his pet to get off him as he stood up from the couch. it jumped from his position and returned to the cushion after its owner had freed up the space.

george walked to his room where he had left his phone. he got his device and it opened only to remind him about the amount of messages sapnap had sent him. he took in a breath before mustering the confidence to face whatever the messages had to offer. he was led to discord where he quickly changed his status to invisible before reading the messages sapnap had sent. a quick glance away from the texts showed him that dream hadn't tried to contact him. typical. he skimmed through the messages sapnap had sent. most of it was him freaking out to why dream deactivated. after that period of time, no messages were sent until one that seemed to come from thirteen minutes ago.

“get on the smp.”

george released a sigh. whatever it was, he just had to do it. may or may not be related to dream, he didn't know. he silently hoped it was about him though. maybe they had a chance at fixing what they broke. maybe it was just sapnap telling george some news about how his base had been griefed. those answers were about to be answered soon. 

he found himself in front of his pc, curled up in his desktop chair as he logged into the server. spawning outside the hall of fame, he checked the list of players to find out the only people online were sapnap and eret. maybe, this wasn't about dream.

eventually, a message popped up in chat from sapnap.

“George, where are you”

to that he typed back, “hall of fame”

quickly, sapnap’s character arrived in no armor. just him and some food in hand. when the other’s character stopped in front of him, a message in chat swiftly appeared.

“follow me.” 

george shifted his eyes to read before it flicked back over to sapnap who was sneaking. george nudged his mouse to express his character nodding before the other led him down the path built by dream. ugh. it's going to take some time to disassociate things. 

the black haired persona showed george towards george’s own secret base. he got the indication of where to go. he then typed in chat, “if there's a trap there. i will murder you.”

soon, sapnap responded with “there isn't. i promise.”

george’s character dived into the water and swam into the underground entrance. as his character passed through the free fall, he thought to himself ‘ponk probably egged me again. maybe i would blow up his towers this time’.

alas, he landed in the stone room that consisted his base. he looked over to see a chest and sign placed in the center of where the room turned to the bubbling elevator. his character walked over to see what the sign said.

“to georgenotfound.”

with that in mind, he opened the chest. he was met with a book in the center of the storage space. he hovered his cursor over to the item which read “i’m sorry”, by Dream. 

he wanted to burn that book with the chest and sign right on the spot. should he really be giving dream a chance to express himself after the bullshit that they went through last night? probably.

he placed the item in his own inventory space and opened it to see what it contained.

“To George,

I’m not even going to call you any nicknames. I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I don't know how many sorry’s will express the amount of regret that I will bear the rest of my days if you don't hear me out. Please, listen to me ramble. Just one last time, then you can discard me and I will be fine with that.

I’m sorry for not understanding where you were coming from last night. I really should've known better being the person you looked to for so many things. I was such a disgusting being last night. You never deserved that type of treatment from anyone. I treated you like some sort of punching bag when, in reality, you are the most valuable being that I have ever stumbled upon. I should’ve never let you feel that way in the first place. Yet, I did and there won't be a single night where I beat myself up for making you feel less than what you really are. 

I am so god damn sorry for letting you slip away so easily. Everything that happened is my fault. No argument needed there. That includes letting you go that easy. As if, I didn't even try to keep you in that call and convince you that I had messed up so fucking bad. I could've listened to my gut which had been pulling at me the entire time, telling me ‘Clay, shut the fuck up right fucking now’. But, I didn't. If I had known better, none of this would've happened. I didn't know any better. I am stupid. I am so stupid and I am sorry. 

Lastly, before you burn all of this, pretend this never happened, and leave what we had built together for months or years; let me tell you how much you made the past months and years a million times better. Not just from us dating, but also simply when we were still friends. You always had the brightest smile on your face whenever we spent time together. It doesn't take a facecam for me to know that. You had brightened up my darkest skies and made me feel like I was the only person in the world while you showered me with all your love and attention. You were the reason I persisted every single day, just to know you were doing well and I wouldn't stop at any limit to make you feel like you were the most precious being that ever stepped foot into my life. It had always been you. Everything that I did always goes back to you. You were my everything, ‘til we were nothing. Yet, you still hold that title. Thinking that you could be gone forever, not wanting to return to the horrible person that's me, really pains me. Hell, even writing this feels like ripping my heart right open. But if that is what you need to do to be happy, by all means go ahead. I guess I’ll never know what I really have until it’s gone. Just know that, thank you George for being there throughout all these years. I will never forget you and I hope the story doesn't end here. I love you. 

With so much love, Clay.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> in the fic, references to songs like "illicit affairs" by taylor swift and "my everything" by ariana grande were mentioned. speaking of, you should listen to both songs and artists. taylor released a surprise alt album recently titled folklore.
> 
> other than that, kudos and comments are highly highly appreciated as this is my favorite thing i've written for this fandom.
> 
> edit on september 11, 2020 : "favorite thing i've written for this fandom"... yeah that didn't age well


End file.
